Things I No Longer Believe About Parenting

Before I was pregnant, before I even fathomed the idea of looking after a human spawn, I used to think that parenting was a walk in the park. I used to see toddlers and children throwing tantrums in public and think ‘*ugh* Why can’t parents just control their kid?’ Now, I look at the parent sympathetically and depending on the setting or situation I will see if they need help with anything.

I used to think Super Nanny was the bees knees. Now I am more educated and informed, I realise that she is a cock. Not only does she have no kids of her own yet thinks she knows all about parenting, but she spouts dangerous and harmful ‘advice’ that could be harmful for children and parents. Some of her parenting methods are easy for her to spout and believe in as she has no kids and therefore has no maternal instincts. That’s probably why as soon as I found out I was pregnant I was pro attachment parenting and couldn’t think of anything worse than Jo Frost or Gina Fraud when I previously loved watching the shows.

When I was pregnant, I was preparing myself for no sleep. Freddie still wakes up in the night and he’s 9 months old however, excusing the first few weeks and the odd growth spurt/sleep regression, I’ve still managed to get around 8-9 hours a sleep a night on average. Thanks to good old co sleeping. People always ask why he isn’t in his own room yet. Erm, basically because I like sleep, he likes cuddles and I can’t be arsed to get up during the night to sit up and feed him for like an hour at a time whilst forcing myself to stay awake, it would be torturous and I’d probably be a shit parent due lack of sleep. Why would I willingly make myself have less sleep? After all, he’s not gonna be in our bed forever.

Before I was pregnant, I would be horrified at the thought of co sleeping. I was one of those annoying ‘you’re creating a rod for your own back blah blah blah’ *whiney voice* people. Then I came across attachment parenting and it taught me that the more love, attention and safety your child gets when they are young, the more independent, respectful and loving they will be when they are older. Tons of research has been done to prove this and now even the NHS recommend attachment parenting. That’s not to say that you’re not a loving or responsive parent if you don’t co sleep, some parents don’t need to co sleep as their baby sleeps fine in their crib. But most parents co sleep at some point with their children because the reality is, it’s normal and the only habit you’re setting is responding to your child’s cues. 

Read more about our co sleeping antics here. 

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15 thoughts on “Things I No Longer Believe About Parenting

  1. I agree with so much of this, but felt I needed to express my views on some of the stuff around supernanny. I am training to be a social worker. I’m not 100% sure what area I want to go into yet but child protection is an option I’m interested in. I have already been told by my lecturers that the main comment I’m going to get when I start is you can’t know, you aren’t a parent. That is what I disagree with about your comments regarding supernanny. Whether you are a parent or not, any kind of work requires some level of maternal instinct and research will guide decisions. There’s a reason whether you have experience or not you need to undergo formal training.

    However, I do agree that most parents should not follow majority of her advice. Positive behavioural management in older kids is great. But supernanny is a TV show and is designed to be entertaining. To do that they show the worst cases, where nothing else has worked so these measures are implemented. Fortunately you are doing great and will never need to try these, but some families can’t cope and need to use extreme methods to get their family back on track.

    Sorry for the ramble, just something that is close to my heart at the moment. I enjoy reading your blogs. Iv been trying to read a range of things so I have ideas when I need to try and new tact with future work xxx

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  2. I never was against of for co-sleeping. Don’t think I ever even heard of it until I started doing it and wanted to know how to have Babel sleep with us safely. I hadn’t planned on doing it, it just happened while trying to meet my baby’s needs. He’s almost 9 months and he’s still sleeping with us and I wouldn’t have it any other way. It works well and even though he wakes often enough to breastfeed we get more than enough sleep. It feels like the most natural thing ever, and I love it.

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  3. My 9 month old is in a cot sidecar on our bed. It’s so much nicer waking up together than suddenly being woken from deep sleep by screaming… And there’s nothing worse than feeling dead on your feet and your baby waking the instant you put them down. My daughter is a worse sleeper than my toddler was but not getting out of bed each time means I’m nowhere near as exhausted as I was with trying to put him down alone.

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  4. We didn’t do co sleeping when N was a baby- for starters my OH is a light sleeper, goes out to work at 5 in the mornings and wouldn’t have got any space, plus we didn’t need to because N was in his cot in his room at 6 weeks (he was too violent in sleep and was growing out of his moses basket) and sleeping fine. I was happy enough to go into his room when he woke and needed feeding (but then he wouldn’t breastfeed so it was quicker to feed and get back to sleep). But he did go through a phase at around 3yo when he’d come in in the middle of the night. I would always sleep through him coming in, so had no way of sending him back out which I would have done. However, I do get plenty of sleep, he just tucks up and sleeps, so it works out quite well (only because the OH has usually gone off to work, or crept into the spare room to make sure he gets sleep).

    Even now, age 5, he sometimes creeps in although usually nearer alarm time. It’s lovely to sleep with him and know he’s comforted and comfortable being there with me, but I’d still prefer if he slept in his own bed. It worries me when he goes and sleeps over at the farm…whether he’ll end up creeping into bed with a lodger by accident, although it’s usually in with his Granny which gives her a surprise!

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  5. Yes, I definitely agree with you on this one! I admit, i’ve tried out a few of her ideas and I find the concept behind her show very good, but you can’t fully know what it’s like to be ‘on the frontline’ until you;re there, and it’s so much easier to preach the right way to parent than to do it in real life! xx

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  6. I am sure once you have children you can and will make your own mind up about half of the issues you have raised. I had always been told co-sleeping was dangerous, now whilst I dont have children, my sister strongly believes in it x

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  7. I’m not quite sure how to respond to this post as I myself haven’t experience or even discipline a child before. So, It’s difficult for me to comment or to agree and disagree. I think that, once you are a mother you do get influenced by others and how they handle a child, however, I do believe that mother knows best.

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  8. I wouldn’t agree with Super Nanny’s techniques at all, didn’t she recommend for children to just be left screaming to themselves while the parents ignored? Awful. I co-sleep with my son sometimes but only when he wants to, it’s a lovely thing to do.

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  9. I think it’s absolutely personal how you raise your child, whether you co-sleep or not. If the parent is comfortable with that for instance, then it’s not a problem is it? Everyone’s family is different!

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