- It’s okay to co sleep, your baby might not settle in their moses basket and that’s perfectly normal. Here are the co sleeping safety guidelines.
- You have a choice. You don’t HAVE to be induced, you don’t HAVE to have a hospital birth, you don’t HAVE to do x,y,z.
- Cluster feeding is normal when breastfeeding. Your baby has a tiny tiny stomach so feeding every 10 minutes is normal. Tiring. But normal.
- It’s normal for your baby to wake up often. Babies take a while to adjust to day time and night time. Waking up often lowers the risk of SIDs.
- It’s okay to feel emotional. Baby blues can last longer than 3-5 days. If you’re still emotional after a couple of weeks then tell a health care professional.
- Instinct has been around longer than a book. Trust your instinct, always.
- If you have had children before then you may get worse after pains.
- It’s okay to feel hungry all the time, you have just grown a baby for 9 months and now you are keeping it alive with your boobs. Eat all the food.
- It’s okay to say no to visitors. You don’t owe anyone anything. If people must visit then tell them to bring shopping and wash the dishes.
- Breastfeeding can be hard to begin with, but after a few weeks it’s completely worth it.
- You will sweat like a motherfucker. It’s fine.
- You might get piles. Don’t be embarrassed, just see a Dr asap to prescribe some cream and eat lots of fibre and drink lots of water.
- Keep baby close, skin to skin as much as possible, its okay to leave the chores to everyone else.
- Its okay to respond to your baby when they make the slightest whimper, your instinct is to pick them up and keep them near. Read more here.
- Breastfeeding isn’t just food.
- If bottle feeding, your baby should still drink little and often; not 6oz every 4 hours. They don’t need hungry baby milk. Read more here.
- You don’t have to have a sweep. You’re not a chimney.
- Your estimated due date is just that. They are not late and you don’t need to be induced or have a sweep and go to 4th base with the midwife if you go past the date, the due date was just wrong.
- Baby acne is normal. Just leave it.
- You don’t need to bath your baby as soon as the umbilical cord falls off. Babies don’t do anything to get them dirty enough for a bath. Waiting for up to 2 weeks (or longer) gives a chance for the vernix (the gooey white stuff they’re covered in) to soak into their skin.
- Skin to skin is so important and isn’t just something you should do after labour or if your breastfeeding. You can do it as much and as often as you want regardless of feeding method.
- There’s no such thing as overfeeding a breastfed baby.
- You DO have enough milk for your baby. The 2 main signs that you don’t have enough milk for your baby is no wet nappies and rapid weight loss/failure to thrive. (Although weight loss is normal after birth)
- If you have certain drugs in labour, such as IV fluids, then your baby’s birth weight may be inaccurate and may appear to have a big weight loss because of this. (Read here)
Was there anything you wish your midwife told you?
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Freddie And I 
I always “over cook” my babies and have had to fight to keep the inducers at bay. With my first I was 10 days over the given date and went into natural labour the day before my appointment that they’d had to book apparently, with my second I had monitoring and went naturally at 11 days over. My third was 13 days over. He was induced in the end after me holding out, but for medical reasons not just being overdue. I don’t actually believe he was 13 days over as my dates disagreed with the scan. The pressure to have sweeps and induction is huge but you don’t have to and not everyone realises that.
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Definitely agree with your points especially about having to be reduced. I was. But on hindsight, it was the best choice for us. I had to have an emergency C-section in the end, because my daughter’s cord was wrapped in her neck and her heartbeat was slowing down. I guess if I wasn’t scheduled to be induced, I might not have been in the hospital and we live in North Cornwall where the nearest one is about an hour’s drive away. So I guess all, worked well in the end. x
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I was induced too and it also ended in an EMCS, unfortunately you’re more likely to have an EMCS if you’re induced! Obviously we are very lucky to have these procedures in place for when they are needed x
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not yet had the pleasure of being a mummy yet but I think they should definitely tell all expectant and new mummies all of this information
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Thank you, glad you enjoyed reading x
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Totally agree with you on all your points. I’ve home birthed, ebfed, worn and coslept with my 2 and couldn’t imagine doing anything else. But when my first was born I felt like I was doing everything wrong I was just following my natural instinct. Thanks for your lovely post x
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Thank you and so glad you enjoyed reading x
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I couldn’t agree more. I wish someone had told me these things before I had my boys. I also agree instinct is always best, it’s inbuilt to take care of these little beings, they are a part of us. X
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It’s so difficult when you have your first baby and everyone is giving you different advice – I lasted only a few days before I lost it at everyone and they all backed off (don’t think my poor MIL has forgiven me yet – now she just tells hubby all the things I do wrong!) Think this is a really empowering post 🙂
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I do wish there was more information about co-sleeping. My first was in the bed with me and my second is side-carridged on the bed – both what they wanted rather than by design. Before I had kids I was certain that all babies slept on there backs in a cot. Oh how blissfully ignorant I was!
I’m a bit fed up of some of the scaremongering or policies out there. A good friend was told her baby would die if they co-slept. I mean really?! Was that necessary. I know there’s stats out there but it’s a little more complex than that.
I wasn’t told about the after pains with a second – but I soon found out. I’m not sure if I would’ve benefited from knowing it was coming! lol.
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When done safely, co sleeping actually lowers the risks of SIDs than sleeping in a cot!
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I agree with every single one of these, especially about feeding little and often. There is so much pressure on new mummies to get your baby in to a feeding routine, when in reality their tummies are too immature to do so. At my babies weight check at 2 weeks, I was again told to try to ‘hold her off’ for an hour or so to make her take more, ummm, no, sorry, not starving my baby at all, ever.
I also wish that I had taken the advice of no visitors straight away, we were inundated from the moment we got home. We were completely overwhelmed and stressed, definitely not how you want to feel as a new mum.
Xx
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Midwives seem to just come into your home to make you feel like shit. Definitely go with your instincts, I’m co sleeping and wouldnt have itbany other way x
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I agree midwives need to do more to help mothers feel like they are being supported and offer more suitable advice. Co-sleeping is a great way of formulating a bond with your child!
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This is brilliant. This is one of the reasons I wanted to blog. To tell real life experiences how they are. So many things here that aren’t said. And the sweating! Omg!!!! A fab post X
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I went 16 days over with my first, started at home as planned and then stopped at 7cm which meant time to go in… ultimately it didnt quite go to plan (do they ever) but we managed to avoid a c-section (just). This time round I am due in May I have significant medical complications which i didnt have first time. As much as I still want my natural home birth its not going to happen. And thats okay with me. The struggle to give monkey a sibling has been enough. To be honest I would probably accept a pre planned c-section if they told me thats the best way! But we are going to try for as natural as possible – although I will be induced at term and since I tend to over cook them then I suspect it will be quite medical. But once can try and as you say ‘we’ve got this’ and the hypnobrthing helps too!! I didnt read a book first time round, Ive not read one this time round. I kept a diary with Monkey for reference which will help remind me all the things I have forgotten but I always always go by instinct. So important. Thank you for sharing these tips xx
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I definitely agree with this post, sometimes things just aren’t publicised or mothers don’t get any reassurance at all. Great post.
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This is a really good read, its true they don’t tell you half of this stuff! I have done a post about post natal depression because no one tells you about that and it is really very common
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I really agree with this post, we are all so vulnerable when you have a baby.. but its so important to trust your instincts x
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Great post and I have to say I agree with all of it. Having a baby is daunting and they don’t tell you half of what you really need to know!
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Some great points – I don’t agree with all of them after having four children, but I read it with great interest. I think trusting your own instinct is so important. Kaz x
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Great piece, there is so much I wish I knew about before I had baby #1, especially about being induced. Im currently on pregnancy #2 and not just going with the flow this time around – making sure that all decisions are made by me not my care givers.
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I wish the midwife had talked to us about how much it was going to effect the relationship and ways to help each other thru the changes. She also told me to push into my bum when having contractions which is not completely correct. You need to push into the hole the baby comes out! It is so difficult going against what everyone tells you. Really we have only been sleep training, feeding every 4 hrs and putting baby in a separate room for 90 yrs of our 50,000 yr evolution so it really gets me when people are so opinionated about these things. Just go with your instinct.
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I really enjoyed reading this, thank you for writing. All the pointsame ring so true, I was induced after 2 weeks post dates which ended in an emergency c section. Baby lost loads of weight more than 10 percent, you mention here about IV fluids I had a lot of stuff pumped into me so this may have been the reason for it. Midwife made me feel like I couldn’t feed baby and basically sent me into a spin for 2 weeks until she regained her birth weight. Thanks for writing this, it’s great. Claire x
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My local midwife group told me “We don’t handle twins, they are high risk.” They failed to tell me there was another midwife group that DID accept twin births, I found out after my hospital birth. Even if I couldn’t have a home birth, I would have wanted the before and after care – I felt like I went into this blind with no support, when I could have had it. 13 years later I’m still angry about that.
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Such a common sense post. Great to remember! It’s really reasurring to read.
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I am a midwife, and I promise you, I do say this to my women. All.The.Time. But for example, the information about the breastfeeding is hard to hear, and would appear to go against what many women believe is their instinct, but is actually, I imagine, learned behaviour. For example, many families I visit are very worried when their baby has been up all night feeding. They “instinctively”know their baby should be sleeping at night. All my science and passionate support of baby’s normal feeding patterns doesn’t change the idea that the women are tired. It’s not women against midwives here. Most midwives are desperate to support women with lots of information, passion, and care.
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