So you could say i took a short break from blogging. (Nearly 2 years to be precise)
A lot of things happened. I ran out of things to write about. Life was shit for a very long time and quite frankly I had better things to do at the time like try and figure out what the flying hell I’m doing with my life. I still don’t know what the flying hell I’m doing with my life now but I’m in a job I love and I finally bagged myself my childhood sweetheart that I’ve fancied the pants off since I was 13 and he also doesn’t really know what the fuck he’s doing with his life so it’s great and at least no one else is gonna steal him from me if we’ve both got nothing going for us. (I’m joking, you’re the best)
So my old blog posts mentioned my cute and gorgeous little baby Freddie. You will not be hearing about him anymore, you will be hearing about my emotionally abusive toddler who is also called Freddie. It’s strange as he’s practically toddler of the class at nursery. All the staff absolutely love him, he’s really popular, exceeding in most things and is a little star. For everyone except me. People say that’s because he feels safe around me to show his true colours. So I tried introducing the belt for a while to implement some scariness to see if he would start being a little star for me but social services got involved.
I joke, I joke… Oh yeah if you’re easily offended then you’ll probably want to go and read another mum’s blog about how amazing it is that so many things go well with quinoa and how if your toddler has peaked a temp then you shouldn’t give them Calpol but you should infact shout some chants from the Himalayan monks or some shite.
When Freddie was a baby I felt so lost that I desperately did everything I could to fit into a certain category. I didn’t know what that category was but they all seemed like mum’s who had their shit together so I followed them. I soon realised that no mum in the entire world has all her shit together. Some mum’s have their shit together in some ways such as being able to breastfeed their baby whilst putting a piece of Ikea flatpack furniture together and other mum’s have their shit together by making a bottle of formula for their baby at 3am whilst writing the shopping list for the week and creating an organic homemade food plan for their baby. Like way to go mum’s. You both have your shit together. I wanted to be like both of you and for a while I was. But now I just chuck biscuits at my child and hide.
I got myself into quite a palava when I realised that these mum’s online weren’t the mum’s for me. Everything I was passionate about up to that point sort of just dissolved around me. It wasn’t important to me anymore because I realised that none of it ever really mattered it was filling a void inside of me for a while. I was so caught up about researching this that and the other and worrying about what the next mum thought of me that I forgot to just enjoy being a mum and doing what I wanted and what was best for me and Freddie.
That’s what your first child teaches you for sure. That so much shit that really mattered to you when you were pregnant and your baby was little really won’t matter when you look back. All that really matters is that you never run out of biscuits and your toddlers tablet is always fully charged.