How To Have A Really Happy And Fun Half Term

  Go To The Beach This will be a really lovely, relaxing day for all the family to enjoy. Im joking, you'll be a chain smoker and alcoholic by the end of the day due to how stressful the occassion of going to the beach is with a 3 year old. All will start quite …

Toddler’s First Cinema Trip (ad)

The fantasy: it's going to be lovely, peaceful and mesmerising & at worst he may fall asleep which will just mean I can watch the film in peace.... The reality: well fuck that, I'm never doing that again unless it involves a glass of wine, VIP seats and an 18 rated movie. When Vue cinema …

The Truth Behind Chickenpox

I heard that each individual chicken pox that is on your child represents every sin you've ever committed as a parent. For example the time you gave your 1000% baby led weaned 7 month old an Ella's kitchen pouch. (This by the way means that your child is no longer baby led weaned whatsoever as …

The Realities Of Parenting

Before I had Freddie I had this idea of what parenting was going to be like. It was going to be a calm, zen, natural and peaceful experience for all involved! Yeah I see my parents at the back there laughing at me because they know it didn't exactly go that way from the get …

The Misfortunes of Freddie

It all started on a Tuesday. Freddie doesn't have nursery on a Tuesday. Mummy doesn't like Tuesdays. Mummy asked Freddie what he would like for breakfast. The options included toast with marmite or cereal or scrambled eggs. SWEETIES demanded Freddie. No darling it's 5:45 in the morning you are not having sweeties. Freddie's self harming …

The Realities Of A Smear Test

So the event usually starts in the waiting room. You walk in and take a look around at all the other women waiting to have their vaginas prodded at and you can't help but have visions of their fannies in your head. You don't want them in your head, but you can't help it as …

Dismantle the toddler-archy

WARNING: Please read this at the risk of your own health. May make uptight humour-lacking people gasp. Anyone else have a very lovely, beautiful, monstrous, soul destroying little treasure  for a toddler? If your delightful cooing child has not reached this stage then ha ha ha ha ha ha good luck. Like I love him …

New year new me hun xo

So you could say i took a short break from blogging. (Nearly 2 years to be precise) A lot of things happened. I ran out of things to write about. Life was shit for a very long time and quite frankly I had better things to do at the time like try and figure out what …

What Freddie Wore October 2016

A few of my favourite outfits from October 2016. All my friends and family know that I take pride in what Freddie wears and I love to make sure he looks smart and unique. Today however he decided to spill a smoothie all over himself in public!

Being a Touched Out Mum

I wish I was one of those mums who can deal with spending every minute of every day with my child. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE spending time with Freddie when he's not being an arse. But I can safely say that by the end of my weekend off work i am ready to …