Nobody wants to create a rod for their own back. Ugh God forbid your children actually grow up to feel safe and well attached to their parents. What kind of world would that be?
The downside to creating a rod for your own back is your child or baby MAY be a happy and content baby who’s needs are met. But we all know how awful that is, we want independent babies who will happily sit in their bouncers for 6 hours a time whilst we crack on with more important things like housework and watching Jeremy Kyle.
However, for those weird parents who WANT to create a rod for their own back. Here are some tips you should follow. Do not take these lightly, I know how hard it is to respond to your babies needs, those selfish pesks. Ugh, God help us.
- As soon as your baby so much as whimpers you must run to them flapping your arms about shouting ‘I’M COMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!’
- Buy one of those strappy pouch things that you put on your chest and your baby sits in it. (Some people like to call these slings or carriers, I call them rod-makers) Your baby must stay in this ALL day for the first year of their life.
- Buy one of those bed extender thingys, or better yet SHARE YOUR BED WITH YOUR BABY. I know, I know. This will 100% effect your sex life and you will never have rumpy pumpy with your partner again but if you want a rod, then you need to do this.
- Breastfeed. *shudders* We all know that breasts were made for men to ogle at and are only sexual but in order to become a committed rodder you will need to feed your baby from your breasts.
- If for some reason you cannot wear a rod-maker (sling/carrier) then you must keep baby close to you at all times. A pram is simply not good enough, I recommend putting them in your handbag.
- Feed them on demand. This one is really hard to get used to. After all, they should only be hungry when our schedule says so. But whenever they show their feeding cues you need to feed them. I recommend a cheese baguette if you want to keep them fuller for longer (or create life-long digestive issues)
- DO NOT let anyone babysit. AT ALL. No. No. No. They must be with you at all times in order for your rod to be super shiny. Want to go out for a meal with your friends? Tough titties. Want to send them to school? I’m sure Mrs Smith doesn’t mind you sitting at the back of the classroom.
- Baby led wean. Let them feed themselves their food. This is really inconsiderate of them to be honest, taking 30 minutes to eat their jam on toast can be tedious but stick with it. *Warning, baby led weaning can lead to awful things such as positive and healthy attitudes towards food*
- Respond to them at night time. I tried this once. Never. Again. I mean, don’t these babies realise that parenting is only a 12 hour job?! Once the clock strikes 7 my hours are over and they must tend to themselves until 7am. So if your baby dares to wake up during the night in order for their needs to be met you must respond to them.
I hope these top tips have helped you create a better rod for yourselves. Good luck for the next 40+ years, hopefully they would have finished breastfeeding and bedsharing by then but don’t count on it.
Don’t put your baby away, rod today!
Happy rodding!
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Lovely post, thank you so much for sharing!
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My rod is made of Batman-strength steel. I kinda like it 😉
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Mine is super shiny!
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ha ha ha yes I did all these with my first child but I can assure you after baby number 6 came along I no longer did 😉
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Great post. Even tho I’m not a mother I’m enjoying reading these child/parent related blog posts!
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hahaha this had me laughing! love the recommendation to put baby in your handbag
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Naw I loved this post – Thank you for sharing the true side of motherhood! I cannot wait to have children myself one day – I have a feeling it will be posts like this that will help me!
MadeFromBeauty.co.uk
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I snorted at putting baby in your handbag, hehe! I have the shiniest rod ever!
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Ha I cackled all the way through this, sadly though I think some people would share some of these views seriously x
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My rod is very strong and shiny 😃 just the way I like it x
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Had to laugh. We made many of these rods for our back, but now he’s well past babyhood I think we have seen the benefits.
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Great post Eve! I had that saying ‘a rod for your own back’, who would have thought loving and looking after your child as best you can was a bad thing?! 🙂
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I loved this! Hilarious, it’s so true. Women just want the best for their babies but it could be detrimental to their social skills and to their attachment to ‘mummy’.
brilliant article!
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I wish I had found attachment parenting with my first baby.I thankfully did with my second, when I discovered The Green Parent magazine.
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Love that magazine!
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This tickled me – my rod is well and truly in place!
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I’m breastfeeding my 18 month old right now in order to get him to nap. According to my mother, this is completely unnecessary rodding. Ha!
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Haha, genuinely made me laugh. I don’t have kids but I’m sure everyone has their own rods x
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Lol your post kinda reminded me of Tori Gabriels writing style from The Adultier Adult it was very funny and I liked your frank look at the baby rod. My favourite part was the reference to still breastfeeding them in 40 years time haha!
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Hahaha – what a great post. I think a lot of rods are passed down from mother to daughter!! Kaz x
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Hahaha the handbag! My grandmother said I was spoiling our baby by bedsharing and he would never leave our bed if we did that. Guess, we’re going to need a bigger bed for when he’s 18 and quite a bit bulkier than right now ;).
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I’ve got three very sturdy rods here, I do. Yep. Never did try that handbag trick though, I think perhaps I missed out.
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After my first baby I soon learned my lesson. Have to admit that my baby carrier was a godsend but he was only in it for trips out and not all the time in the house
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Interesting post, not sure how I feel on this subject!
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I’ve never heard of the phrase ‘rod for your own back’ before, and I’m not entirely sure I understand, but then again, I’m a student and not a mother! I found this interesting to read regardless. Thanks!
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